


I'm right here

by writingformadderton



Category: Rocketman - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:27:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingformadderton/pseuds/writingformadderton
Summary: When Taron visits his boyfriend Richard suddenly gets distant. Richard suffers from panic attacks and doesn’t want to worry Taron with it. But this time it happens too fast to protect Taron from seeing it, who gives his best to calm him down.
Relationships: Taron Egerton/Richard Madden
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	I'm right here

**Author's Note:**

> The way Taron approaches Richard during the panic attack is no guide for helping people going through it. Please always make sure if the person wants to be touched or needs space. Don't be afraid to ask before you maybe make it worse :)

Taron walks down the pavement towards the front door and checks himself out again. He is wearing a white shirt and blue jeans, with a pair of white sneakers to tie it off. He stops in front of the door and smiles sweetly, the thought of his boyfriend already waiting for him brightening his mood. Pressing the doorbell, he runs his fingers through his hair and seesaws on his toes.

The door opens and he looks into a beautiful pair of deep blue eyes. They light up and Richard’s full lips turn into a bright smile. “Hey, come in love.” Rich says.

Taron steps in and Richard closes the door behind him. T pulls him close and kisses him long and sweet. “Missed you.” he mumbles and wraps his arms around Richard.

Rich chuckles and kisses him back. “Missed you two. This month felt way too long without ya.” He speaks tenderly to his lover.

They sit down on the sofa. Taron is curled up in his boyfriend’s lap and their hands are tangled together. T tells him about the work he had to do over the last month while being out of London. Rich tells him about the work he did as well. After a while, they decide to watch a movie and just lazily cuddle on the sofa. Taron falls asleep fast during the film and cuddles into Richard.

T wakes up when he feels Richard standing up. “Where are you going?” he asks sleepily and yawns.

“Huh?” Rich turns towards him shortly and begins to ramble on about something. “I’m just getting something to drink.” He replies.

“Are you okay? You look really pale, love.” Taron sits up straight and watches him observantly. Was he getting sick? Rich nods and heads to the kitchen, leaving behind a slightly irritated boyfriend.

Richard comes back with a glass of water and looks even paler than before. One hand is pressed on his stomach and he contorts his face in pain. “I’m sorry, T. I don’t feel so well today, maybe we should continue this here tomorrow.” he suggests with a shaky voice.

“I can take care of you, it’s no problem.” T assures him and pats the spot on the sofa next to him. He doesn’t even think about leaving his boyfriend alone when he’s feeling unwell.

Richard feels his heart beat faster and his body heat up in waves. Damn, he has to calm down fast before Taron witnesses one of his attacks. “No, it’s okay. I think I just need some sleep.” Rich spits out an excuse as he puts the glass down on the table and takes a deep breath.

“Richard, are you sure?” Taron asks him and gets up from the sofa. His distant behavior is irritating him immensely because that never happened before. They planned to spend the day together and all of a sudden, he’s canceling?

Rich whines quietly and feels his breathing getting faster. “I’m - oh god.” he groans and buries his face in his hands, trying to blend out the upcoming dizziness.

Taron slowly steps closer and grabs Richard’s hands carefully. He recognizes how hard they are shaking and frowns. “What is going on?” He begins to interrogate him. Did something happen while he was away last month?

Rich stumbles away from him while shaking his head. “Please go, Taron. I can’t do that to you.” He begs and starts taking fast breaths very loudly. The all-too-well known fear creeping up in him is tightening his throat and lying heavy on his chest.

“Do what, Richard? Help me understand what’s going on.” Taron says urgent and keeps his distance. He doesn’t know what is going on at the moment and it starts to scare him.

Richard starts pacing through the room and runs his fingers through his curls over and over again. He’s biting on his lower lip, letting out a shaky whine from time to time. “No, no, no.” He mumbles to himself and his eyes try to focus on anything to keep him focused. But he can’t see clearly anymore. He braces himself on a little table, and standing atop were some flowers T sent him before he went away for a month.

T watches him closely and tries to understand what is happening. He wants to give his boyfriend the space he needs and time to open up. But it makes him feel bad not knowing what exactly is going on in Richard’s mind right now.

Suddenly, Richard feels a sharp pain in his lower abdomen and groans loudly. His eyes start watering and he stumbles over to the nearest wall. “Oh my god. I’m gonna die.” He whines and slowly slides down the wall. He tucks his legs up and buries his face in his hands, panting heavily. Tiny sweat pearls form on his forehead and he feels new waves of heat hitting his body. At the same time, he has goosebumps all over his body and shivers.

Taron is shocked seeing Rich in this state and walks over to him slowly. He crouches down in front of him. “Hey, love. What is wrong?” He asks concerned. Did Richard just say “I’m gonna die”? They were a couple for five months now but this has never happened before, not in front of Taron at least.

Rich looks at him through his fingers. “Panic attack. I’m used to it, give me a moment.” He whispers in a moment of clarity.

“I didn’t know you suffered from that. What can I do to help?” Taron asks calmly and sits down fully in front of him. He never had one himself or saw someone having it. It was his first time and his heart is beating a bit faster because he’s scared of making a mistake and pushing Richard even deeper into it.

Richard lets his hands sink down and reveals his face. His blue eyes are filled with tears and look darker than usual. Sweat coats his face and his body shakes. “Don’t know. I’m used to going through it alone.” his voice is extremely shaky and his breathing is uncontrolled.

“Okay, we’re gonna figure it out then.” T says gently. Right now, Richard’s wellness was most important. But he made a mental note to discuss this at a later date. “You want something to drink?”

Richard shakes his head and leans against the wall. His stomach hurts terribly and he feels the nausea getting stronger with every passing second. The tears start falling down his cheeks and he wipes them away.

Taron carefully takes his hand away from his face and watches Rich. “It’s okay, let it out.” He whispers and takes his hands away, giving Richard his space. “If you come up with something that could help you, just tell me.” He soothes his boyfriend.

Rich presses his lips together and lets the tears fall down his cheeks. “Please just don’t leave me alone.” He chokes out through tears and his lips are trembling.

Taron carefully lies his hand on Richard’s knee without breaking eye contact. “Is that okay?” he asks and his boyfriend nods. His thumb starts rubbing over his knee. “I won’t go anywhere. I’m staying with you, okay?”

“Promise?” Richard asks with a thin voice and sobs quietly.

“I promise, Richard. I’ll be here as long as you want me too.” Taron looks deep into his eyes, a silent assurance along with his verbal one.

Suddenly, Richard gasps for air and his skin pales quickly. His eyes widen in shock and he looks like he’s about to hyperventilate. “I can’t breathe!” He chokes out in complete panic and feels his throat tightening. “Taron, I can’t breathe!”

“Shh, Richard calm down. Look at me.” he speaks loudly to get his attention and squeezes his knee gently. “Look at me, Rich.” Richard slowly turns towards him, gasping for air and shock in his eyes. Taron begins to coach him into breathing and calming his nerves. “Do it with me, okay? Breathe in.” Richard does like he says but his breaths are shaky due to the fear and tears. “And out.” Taron does it himself and Richard focuses on him, trying to get some air in his lungs. They do it a few times until Richard feels his chest opening up. His breathing is still slightly frantic, but at least he feels the air circulating in his body again. “You’re okay love.”

Richard groans and presses both hands to his stomach. “I think I’m gonna throw up.” he moans and tries to stand up. T quickly stands himself and helps him. Rich stumbles into the bathroom but doesn’t make it to the toilet. He starts sobbing and breaks down in the middle of the bathroom floor. His nausea seems forgotten as he tucks his legs up, burying his face in his knees and sobbing uncontrollably.

Taron’s heart breaks at the sight, but he fights back his own tears knowing that would make it worse. He crouches down next to him and leans against the bath tub behind him. T lies his hand on Richard’s back hesitantly and Richard flinches from the sudden touch. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to-.” He begins to inquire but is cut off by Rich’s fragile voice.

“Please don’t leave me.” Rich whimpers and sobs into his knees.

Taron starts rubbing tiny circles on his lower back to keep his presence know. “I won’t.” He assures him again and bites his lower lip. 

They sit like that for a while and Taron’s hand wanders up his back, stroking his neck and carefully touching his hair. Richard’s normally soft curls are sweaty and sticking to his head, but Taron doesn’t stop caressing him over the back of his head gently. 

Usually, that would make Rich tired. But it seems to work as a way to calm him down in the moment. Taron knows he can’t stop Richard’s panic attack. But he can take little steps to guide him back to “normal”. This is something out of his power that he couldn’t control.

“Taron?” Rich asks, his voice still trembling.

“Yes, love?” Taron asks and rubs soft circles on the back of his head.

“Can - Can I come closer to you?” Richard lifts up his head and looks at T. Insecurity and shame are in his eyes and he sounds more vulnerable than T ever heard him before.

“Of course. Do you want me to hold you a bit?” he asks and Richard nods weakly, coming closer to him. Taron wraps his arm around him gently and starts rubbing circles on his shoulder. Richard rests his head against his chest and curls up against T. “Tell me if you feel uncomfortable. I won’t be upset and don’t wanna do anything you don’t like at the moment.”

“Thank you, T.” Richard mumbles and closes his eyes, still controlling his breathing.

After a while, Richard stops shaking and his breathing is normal again. “Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable, huh?” T suggests and stands up, helping Rich. They walk out of the bathroom. Taron is holding Richard close and rubs his back. “Bed?” he asks and Richard hums agreeing.Richard sits down on the bed and T wraps the blanket around him. He situates the pillows behind him so he can lean back comfortably. Taron tells him that he’ll make a tea and be back soon. 

As soon as T leaves the room, Richard feels lonely again and the fear is creeping in the back of his mind. This day didn’t go as planned at all. He wanted to have a good time with T and hold him close to make up for the month he had been away. Taron did good for the first attack they have been through together, but it shames him that it happened while he was here. He could hide it all these months so well.

T comes back with a cup of tea and sees Richard sitting in bed with tucked up legs while tears are streaming down his cheeks. Taron puts down the cup on the bedside table and sits down on the bed. “Another attack?” he asks quietly and bites his lower lip. Did he leave him too soon and caused another one?

“No. I’m-.” Richard wipes away the tears, mad at himself and groans. “This isn’t the way I planned this day. And I’m sorry, T.” His voice is sorrow-filled.

Taron takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “Don’t.” He breathes out and hesitantly grabs his hand, squeezing it gently. “This isn’t something you have to apologize for. It’s okay, really.”

Richard bites his lower lip and looks into Taron’s eyes. “You don’t deserve this.” he rubs his face tiredly.

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t deserve somebody like you. You love me, no matter what. You’re here for me whenever I need you and you make me feel so much better than I am.” Taron declares. He grabs his other hand and tries to make eye contact with Richard. “You’re my favorite person ever and I’m trying to be worth it every day, love.”

Rich looks up, his eyes are brimmed with tears. “Just shut up for once, okay?” he whispers and smiles weakly, moved by Taron’s words.

T smirks softly and shakes his head. “This here only makes me love you more, because you’re just as vulnerable as me. And we can do this, together.” Taron lets go of Richard’s hand and hesitantly lies it on his cheek. Rich hums softly and closes his eyes. “I’m here for you, okay?” T whispers and kisses him on the forehead.

Richard wraps his arms around him and pulls him close. He presses his lips to Taron’s and gives him a long and tender kiss. “Thank you, love.” He mumbles.

“Sure thing, angel eyes.” T mumbles and sinks back into the kiss. After a few shared kisses, Taron sits next to him and Richard crawls on his lap. He cuddles into him and they tangle their hands together.Rich feels calmer than usual. He feels safe and comforted. Maybe it isn’t bad to have Taron here, especially during the times when he can’t stand to do anything alone. “You wanna stay here tonight?” he asks after a while and looks up to T.

Taron looks down at him and presses a kiss in his hair. “I would love to. But only if you are sure that it is what you need tonight.” He states, a flash of concern in his eyes.

Richard sighs a bit and squeezes Taron’s hand. “Don’t wanna sound needy but you’re all I need tonight.”

T smirks and runs his free hand through Richard’s curls, playing with the grey streak. “I’m gonna stay then. You wanna take a bath and relax a bit?” Richard hums agreeing and they get up, their hands still connected. 

T lets the water run in the bathtub and adds some bubbles. He helps his exhausted boyfriend out of his clothes and into the bathtub. Richard asks him to come in, so he undresses himself and situates himself behind him. After a while, Taron decides now to talk about what happened today. “Did something upset you that made you panic?” He asks curiously.

Richard leans his head against Taron’s chest and T rests his chin on it. “I-I don’t know how to say it.” he sighs and shifts a bit in Taron’s embrace.

Taron remains silent for a moment. “Just tell me what was going on in your head. I’ll understand you.”

Richard starts playing with his hands and fights internally with himself. “I have some insecurities, but most of the time I just ignore them. Sometimes, they creep up and overwhelm me, which leads to those panic attacks.” he finally says and wishes he wouldn’t have said anything. It sounds so stupid.

“What kind of insecurities?” T asks softly and starts playing with Richard’s wet hair. What was going on in his boyfriend’s head?

“’Bout me, my work, us. It’s a lot of things, T.” Sighing, he sits up fully and distances himself from Taron. He must look like a pathetic mess to him.

“Us?” The Welsh asks, swallowing hard. Did he do something that made Richard feel uncomfortable?

“Not like you think.” Rich admits and turns in the bathtub to face his boyfriend. “I’m fucking scared to lose you. You were sleeping so peacefully in my arms and I just wanted to stay like that forever.” he grabs Taron’s hand and sees his eyes gloss over. “Started thinking too much and by the time I realized, it already had me.” he shrugs his shoulders and bites his lower lip.

Taron swallows and tries to blink his own tears away. “I won’t leave you alone, I swear. I love you so much, it would be like killing myself.” T presses his lips together and sees the upcoming tears in Richard eyes.

“I’m sorry, T. Don’t wanna make you sad.” Rich admits and strokes his thumb over Taron’s cheek, removing a tear trying to escape.

“Stop blaming yourself for things you can’t control, Rich. I’m here and you don’t have to do it alone.” He assures him and takes a deep breath.

“I love you, baby.” Richard whispers and cups Taron’s face, coming closer.

“I love you too, darling.” T whispers back and stares into the sad blue eyes of his boyfriend. They connect their lips and enjoy the comfort. Needy kisses are shared and Richard whines softly when Taron grabs his hair. “Let’s get out of here.” T suggests and they get out and dry themselves.

“I will never ever leave you, you hear me.” Taron groans and smashes his lips on Richard’s once more. “You’re stuck with me till the end of our crazy lives.”

“Sounds perfect.” Rich mumbles into the kiss and his hands grab Taron’s waist tight. 

Taron nibbles on his lower lip and leaves kisses all over his jawline. His boyfriend pants and his hot breath against his neck sends goosebumps all over his body.“You’re so fucking perfect.” Taron whines and leaves kisses on Richard’s collarbone, sinking his teeth into his soft skin.

Richard moans and tangles his fingers in Taron’s fluffy hair. “Slow down, baby.” he says but gasps when Taron sucks on his neck.

Taron stops and looks at him with a protesting look in his eyes. “You can’t tell me to stop and call me baby in the same sentence!” He chuckles a bit.

Smiling, Richard grabs his neck and pulls him closer. “Watch me.” he whispers and closes the gap between their lips. He takes in every bit of the delicious taste of Taron’s lips. In one move, he rolls them around making Taron chuckle in surprise and looks down at him.

“I love it when you do this.” T smirks and looks into Richard’s beautifully blue eyes that are shining happily. He cups his face and pulls him down slowly.

“Mhm, I know.” he hums and sinks down on his lips again. They share a long kiss before Richard buries his face in Taron’s shoulder. “Night, bub.” he simply says and inhales Taron’s sweet scent.

Taron grins and starts running his fingers through Richard’s soft curls. “Night, love.” he whispers and wraps his arm around him. After a while, Richard rolls away from him while sleeping and sighs, cuddling into his pillow. T smiles warmly at his boyfriend and cuddles into him, hugging him from behind. Soon, he drifts of to sleep as well.

Taron wakes up when he realizes Richard shaking in his embrace. He rubs his eyes and braces himself on his elbow. “Richard?” he asks quietly and leans over him.

Rich sobs quietly into his pillow and tries to calm down. “Huh?” he hums and takes a deep shaky breath.

“Are you okay, love?” Taron asks worried and rubs his arm. Hearing Richard cry again makes him concerned about another attack.

“No.” he admits quietly and turns around towards Taron. Luckily, it’s dark and he can’t see his face.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asks and carefully shifts closer to him. He wouldn’t push him into anything he doesn’t want too.

“I’m exhausted and overthinking again.” he admits tiredly and bites his lower lip to try and hold back his sobs.

“Anything I can do for you?” Taron speaks and strokes over Richard’s head carefully.

“Can we cuddle a bit?” his voice is barely audible as he makes his request.

“Come here.” Taron wraps him into his arms and places a kiss on Richard’s forehead. He starts rubbing his back and wraps the blanket around him. Richard lets all his defenses fall and buries his face in Taron’s chest sobbing. “It’s okay. I’m here, you’re not alone.” Taron says over and over again, calming him down until Rich falls asleep from exhaustion. He’s curled up against T and holds him close. Taron smiles down at him and shakes his head slightly. “Oh my beautiful baby.”


End file.
